


Forget Me Not

by Goggsy



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-26 23:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18727441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goggsy/pseuds/Goggsy
Summary: Missing Mae Smith from Hetzi's "Not Lost, Only Forgotten"? Well, this fic is for you.Featuring domestic Yae, smut, hurt/comfort, fluff and angst. We got it all folks.





	Forget Me Not

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hetzi_clutch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hetzi_clutch/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Not Lost, Only Forgotten](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17462522) by [hetzi_clutch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hetzi_clutch/pseuds/hetzi_clutch). 



> This work is fanfic of the absolutely incredible Doctor Who fanfic "Not Lost, Only Forgotten" by Hetzi_Clutch. I would highly recommend reading that before reading this.
> 
> Big shout out to the folks at the Thirteen Fanzine for being such an inspiration. Wouldn't have written this if they weren't all so awesome.

_Yaz. Come on, you have to wake up._

Orange light briefly accosted her eyes as she slowly pried them open with a groan. She heard an oddly familiar whirr of machinery and for a moment, as she passed between the realm of dreams and reality, she knew she was forgetting something.

A figure hovered over her. She smelt like motor oil and felt like home.

“Doctor?” Yaz croaked, her throat still heavy from sleep.

“You know, I don't think I'll ever get sick of hearing that.” the figure replied.

Soft lips pressed against her own. The orange light faded and the whirr was replaced by the familiar sounds of suburbia as her brain finally booted up. She was in her own bedroom with her adorable girlfriend sitting on the edge of the bed beside her.

Yaz groaned. “What time is it?”

“Just past 7.” Mae replied.

“This should be illegal.”

Mae prodded her in the stomach. “Oi, you're the one that told me to wake you up before I left.”

“I'm not half regretting it.” Yaz yawned. She must have gotten, what, like 3 hours of sleep after stumbling home from her night shift. Still, this was Mae's big day, and she sure as hell wasn't going to let her leave without wishing her luck.

“Been up long?”

“Since you got back.” Mae said. “I was too excited to sleep.”

“Don't tell me you were up all night studying.”

“Only half the night.”

“You know you've already graduated, right?”

“A good doctor never stops learning, Yaz! Besides, I don't want to give any of those guys an excuse to doubt me. You know what they are like. It's 2019 and they still think women can't be doctors.”

“Need me to beat them up for you?”

Mae laughed. “Tempting, but they're not worth it. What if you hurt your hands? Can't have anything happen to Yaz's hands!”

“You _really_ like my hands.”

“Yasmin Khan, I really like _all_ of you.”

“Well, good, because I love you.”

Mae grinned at her. “When did you become a such a sap?”

“Probably around the time you put on those scrubs, Doctor Smith.”

Mae didn't respond, choosing instead to bend down and press her lips against Yaz's. Yaz responded immediately, wrapping her arms around Mae and effectively trapping her there.

She was suddenly overcome with a hunger for Mae, as if she'd never properly tasted her lips before, and that she might never get another chance.

She took bottom Mae's lip between her teeth and gave it a gentle bite, causing Mae's breath to hitch.

Yaz released the lip and traced kisses down her jaw. She was just about to kiss her soft neck when Mae slipped away from her embrace.

Yaz whined at the loss of contact.

Mae stood up, grabbed the pillow next to them and threw it at Yaz, laughing as she did so. “I cannot believe you were going to give me a hickey!”

“I can't believe you almost let me.” Yaz grinned.

Mae shook her head. She glanced at Yaz's phone on the bedside table and sighed. “You are lucky I've gotta go to work, otherwise you'd be in big trouble.”

“You nervous?” Yaz asked, sitting up.

“Excited. Nervous. Anxious. This is everything I have ever wanted. What if they're right and I can't do it?”

“Hey, you are going to be a great doctor. Anybody who disagrees can come talk to me. I'm so proud of everything you've done to get where you are.”

Mae smiled. “Thanks Yaz. Right, I should go. Don't want to be late.” She bent down and kissed Yaz on the lips. “Enjoy sleeping. Dream of me.”

“I will.”

\---------------------

Yaz did not dream of Mae. Instead, her mind was overcome with snapshots of chaos. There were two men, one older and one about her age, and then there was the woman. She was like Mae, but not. She was similar: charismatic, unfairly smart and beautiful, with a razor wit and a keen sense of justice. But, where Mae was light, her imposter was enshrouded by a darkness which blocked Yaz from getting too close.

There was a train. A man with a face filled with teeth and fury in his heart. A woman, old, caring and adventurous, taken from this world too soon.

It was just after midday when she awoke for the second time, once more dazed and confused when she first opened her eyes. Something still didn't feel right, but she ignored it, choosing to believe she was just tired from work.

Yaz rolled over and grabbed her phone.

_Hope your day is going well xx_

She got up, leaving their apartment, the feeling of unease hanging over her.

\--------------------------------

A young short man approached her as she was in line at the shops.

“You should go home. You don't belong here.” he said, his eyes wild.

Another day, another racist arsehole. She could hear her dad's advice. _Don't give them the excuse._ As much as she would have loved to tear the guy a new one, she somehow managed to restrain herself. Thank Allah for her cop training.

“Step aside, sir.” she said, keeping her voice as authoritarian as possible.

Unfortunately, he took a step closer. “None of this is real, you know.” His smile sent shivers down Yaz's spine. He grinned as if he was the only one in on a secret. “Not even me.”

Not racist then, just mentally ill. She stood her ground. “Sir, are you here with anybody?”

He wasn't listening to her. “Why did you let me die, Yasmin?”

She froze. “How do you know my name?”

“How did you forget mine?” he said.

Yaz mouth opened in shock as a green light engulfed the man. His skin began peeling off in chunks, exposing muscle and bone.

His now fleshless eye socket winked at her. “Kerblam.”

The light intensified, causing Yaz to screw her eyes shut.

When the light died down, she reopened her eyes. The man was gone, replaced by a bored looking cashier.

“Ma'am”, he said, “card or cash?”

“Oh.” The entire incident already felt like a distant memory. “Sorry. Yes, card.”

\--------------------------------------

Mae came home with a tired smile on her face and plopped down dramatically on the sofa.

Yaz walked behind the couch and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. “Tea?”

“Please.”

“So, how was it?” Yaz asked as she prepared a drink for both of them.

“It was wonderful! A guy came in with a mangled foot and I had to put it back together.”

Yaz frowned. “That… doesn't sound wonderful.”

“Oi, I'm not a psychopath. You know what I mean. I'm finally helping people. I'm making a difference, Yaz.”

“Yeah, I get you. Every time at work when I do something that really makes a difference to somebody… that really is the greatest feeling.”

“Look at the two of us, making the world a better place.”

“Somebody's got to.” Yaz came back with the tea and sat down next to Mae, snuggling close. “So, how are your coworkers? They all crotchety old men?”

“Some of them. Ugh, this one guy, Doctor Bailey, seems to think that women can't be doctors because our brains are too small.”

“Hate to be the patient of that guy.”

“Yeah, you should have seen me call him out on it. Probably unwise to make an enemy on my first day, but he deserved it.”

“And this is why I love you.” Yaz grinned and rested a hand on Mae's thigh.

“Love you too.” Mae placed her hand on top of Yaz's, stroking it gently with her thumb. “How was your day?”

“Uneventful.” Yaz lied. She didn’t want anything ruining today for Mae. Besides, she probably imagined what had happened earlier. And dreams were just dreams. They aren’t supposed to make sense. “I did make your favourite for dinner though.”

“You spoil me.”

“Yeah, well you deserve to be spoilt.”

They sat there in silence for a few moments, just enjoying each other’s presence. These were the soft moments, in between the chaos of day to day life that Yaz wouldn't trade for the world.

She focused on the soothing breathing of Mae, and the unease that had permeated through her entire day began to fade. That is, until Mae's breathing picked up pace.

“Yaz.” Mae put down her tea, and Yaz followed suit, confused by this sudden seriousness.

“What's up?” Yaz asked.

Mae bit her lip and averted her gaze. She took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a doctor. You know, for the longest time that’s the only thing I have ever been certain of? Until I met you.”

Mae reached into her pocket and pulled out a pocket watch. She fiddled with it, as if using it to distract herself. “I think I knew from that first date that I wanted you in my life forever. Or, well, as close to forever as I could have.”

“I want you to have this.” Mae said, placing the pocket watch into Yaz’s hands.

Yaz looked down at their hands. A poorly designed mehndi faded into view. She blinked and the room disappeared, replaced by a dark hut and a flickering flame. A gunshot echoed and she was brought back to reality.

_Love abides._

“Yaz, are you ok?” Mae asked, frowning.  

“I’m fine.” Yaz smiled, reassuringly, desperately ignoring the fact that she was clearly slowly losing her sanity. That didn’t matter. All that mattered was the woman in front of her who looked at her with such love and understanding. “But, this is your family heirloom?”

“Yeah, well, I want you to be my family.”

Yaz’s heart pounded in her chest. Of all the ways she envisioned this evening panning out, this hadn’t entered her wildest imagination. Of course, they’d discussed their future, but to actually have this happen?

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

“Only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to!” Yaz yelled, throwing her entire body at Mae. She kissed her with enthusiasm, trying to communicate all of her love through her lips.

Mae kissed back with as much love and joy, and once more the world stabilised and narrowed until was just the two of them.

Yaz didn't want it any other way.

\---------------------------

She dreamt of Norway. She didn't know why. It was not a place she had ever been before.

There was a house in nowhere. A beautiful blonde woman, who had captured the stars and, with them, her heart.

A cold dark land. An imposter. And then, another blonde, identical, but in a nursing outfit. Another fake.

_That wasn't right. The woman wasn't supposed to be there. They hadn't even met then._

A false memory inside a dream.

The orange was back.

Something warm pressed against her. The orange faded as lips touched her neck.

Yaz hummed and stretched her body happily. “Morning.” she smiled.

“It's not, actually.” Mae replied against her neck.

Yaz chuckled. “Don't you ever sleep?”

“Sleep is overrated. Not when there is so much to do in the world.”

“Like?” Yaz asked.

Mae kissed her way up Yaz's jaw until she reached her ear. “You.” she whispered.

The words shot pleasure right down between her legs.

‘Mmm” was all Yaz managed, words escaping her.

Mae returned her ministrations to Yaz's neck and Yaz's body began to move involuntarily at each gentle kiss.

A hand snaked around to Yaz's stomach, just brushing the side of her breasts, teasing her. It continued its agonisingly slow path towards her shorts. It reached the waistband and pushed underneath it slightly, and it took all of Yaz's self control to not just grab the hand and place it where she felt the uncontrollable desire rising.

It was gone almost as soon as it arrived, as Mae made her way back up Yaz's stomach to trail a blazing path to her breasts, this time cupping one them and squeezing it gently.

Yaz reached behind her and grabbed one of Mae's butt cheeks, squeezing it in time.

When Mae's thumb brushed over her nipple, Yaz couldn't help but let out a slight moan. What right did any of this have to feel this good?

What right did Mae have to be this perfect?

After one more gentle brush, Mae grabbed the nipple and squeezed it lightly. Yaz could feel her wetness drip down her leg.

This continued until Yaz was on the verge of turning around and capturing Mae's lips. The fingers let go, and moved back down, this time entering her shorts and resting in her hair.

Yaz tried to will the hand to move. “Mae.” She groaned. “Please.”

She could feel the smirk against her neck. “That good, am I?”

Yaz sighed. “You know you are. Now could you please finish what you started.”

“Or what?” Mae challenged.

“Or I'll -” she never got to finish her sentence, as a hand snuck down to where she needed it most.

Fingers dipped down to her entrance and moved back up to her clit, trailing wetness to the nub.

Yaz brain ceased to function as the pleasure took over her senses. She moaned and began to grind herself against Mae's hand.

Mae's lips moved back to her ear. “I want you to touch yourself.” She whispered.

Yaz immediately did what she was told, sliding her hand down over Mae's and pushed two fingers into herself. She was wetter than she imagined possible.

“Holy Hippocrates, you are so hot.” Mae said.

Yaz would have laughed at the ridiculous comment if she wasn't overwhelmed by how _good_ everything felt.

The pleasure built and built as she curled her fingers inside of herself faster and faster. Her thighs had a mind of their own, closing and partially crushing their hands.

Yaz didn't care. There was nothing but the pleasure. She rode it until it was too much and removed her hand. With a gentle touch, she let Mae know to stop.

She turned in Mae's embrace and snuggled in to her chest. Mae pulled her in close and began to stroke her hair. She was at peace.

Moments past, and the euphoria cleared. Yaz burst out laughing.

“I can't believe you said ‘Holy Hippocrates’.” she said through the laughter. “You are such a dork.”

“That's not what you were saying a few minutes ago.”

“You just wait until you're the one getting teased.”

“You know what they say, Yaz. Show, don't tell."

\---------------------------

The patrol had been a quiet one, but to be fair, a lot of daytime shifts were. She took her job seriously, but she couldn't stop her mind wandering to last night. Yaz honestly could not believe how her life had become so perfect.

Mae, the most wondrous woman, wanted to spend the rest of time with her. It seemed too good to be true, like the universe was toying with her, coaxing her into believing in a fairy tale, only to rip it out from underneath her.

A commotion to her left broke her musings.

“Get off me!”

A man who looked like he had fallen straight out of the movie “Grease” had a woman pushed up against the wall, his forearm against her neck. She was trying to push him off, but he took her barrage of kicks and punches without flinching.

Yaz cautiously walked up to him. It was times like these that she wished she had a partner. “Sir, let her go.”

“Or what?” He asked.

“Or I'll have to arrest you.”

He snorted in amusement, but let the woman go, turning around to face Yaz as he did so. He had a patronizing smirk on his face that she longed to wipe off.

“Ok, now step towards the wall.”

He cocked an eyebrow and Yaz instantly knew there would be trouble.

“Yasmin Khan,” he said, taking a step towards her. “You don't belong here.”

“Stay where you are, sir.” Yaz responded.

“You don't know, do you? Oh, this is great.” He bit his lip as he quietly chuckled arrogantly. “She's not going to save you, you know?”

He lunged at Yaz without warning, grabbing her by the neck, squeezing the life out of her. Yaz forced herself to stay calm. She kneed him in the crotch at the same time as bringing her arms down on his elbows, breaking his grip.

The man doubled over for a second before getting back up and lunging at her. She couldn't dodge in time, and the two of them were forced off of the footpath and onto the road.

The bus didn't stop in time.

\----------------------------------

The orange glow was back again, sharper than before. The three figures were hovering over her once more, their faces almost visible through the haze. She could hear a faint warbling of distorted voices but could barely make out what they were saying. There was a hand on her shoulder. Soft, familiar. Like Mae’s but different.

The smallest of the figures bent down towards her and placed a kiss on her forehead. The lips moved to her ear whispered something unintelligible. Yaz strained to listen, to make sense of whatever was happening, but as she tried to cement this world to reality, it began to fade into darkness. Before the void overcame her, the small figure came into focus. A shock of impossible recognition echoed throughout Yaz’s mind. _The Doctor._

The darkness surrounding the Doctor was replaced by bright, cold light. Her body felt heavy. Numb.

“Yaz.” her favourite voice in the universe filled her ears. “I thought I lost you.”

Yaz blinked and the Doctor’s clothes were replaced with scrubs. “Mae?” she said, her throat hoarse. “Where am I?”

“In hospital. You know if you wanted to see me this badly you could have just called.” Mae joked. The humour didn’t reach her eyes.

Yaz forced a smile. “Sorry, I’ll leave the dramatics to you next time.”

“You better. No more heroics, ok?” Mae’s face was puffy and red from crying. Yaz’s heart sank. Her fiance wasn’t a crier. Whatever had happened to her must have been bad.

Yaz reached out and grabbed Mae’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Hey, I’ll be alright.”

“I know.” Mae's voice was soft and uncertain. “Do you need anything?”

“Just you.”

“I'll always be here for you, you know that, right Yaz?”

 _Liar._ A dark part of her mind whispered. Her eyes fixated on the pocket watch that Mae was fiddling with.

There was a flash of orange and the pocket watch was shattered before her eyes.

Mae's smile was replaced with a sadistic smirk as her fingers stroked the shards of metal, leaving a trail of blood where it cut into her skin.

Quick as it appeared, the vision faded. Mae's face returned to the sweet disposition she had fallen in love with.

“Hey, stay with me, please.” she said, concern evident in her voice. She rested a hand on Yaz's cheek and stroked it with a gentle touch, almost as if she thought she would break.

“Sorry.” Yaz croaked. “I think the drugs are messing with me a bit.”

“I'm not surprised. They've got you on quite a cocktail. I'm impressed you are this lucid.”

“I'm tougher than I look.”

“I know. Don't think I forgot about our arm wrestle on our first date. Even though I still think you cheated.”

“Not my fault you don't lift. Should have let me just pay for dinner in the first place. That was the deal.”

Mae laughed. “It was a rubbish deal.”

“Pretty wild how we met in South Afrika of all places.”

Mae grinned. “Remember that poor man who had to deal with us fighting over who got to administer first aid on him?”

“Reckon he was about a minute away from just offing himself in frustration.” Yaz smiled at the memory. “Still can't believe your solution to that was to ask me out.”

“It worked out well didn't it?”

“No complaints here.” Yaz looked up at Mae's face. A tear ran down her cheek and Yaz wish she had the strength to wipe it away.

“Mae. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you know that, right?”

Mae, overcome with emotions just nodded.

Yaz wished she had the strength to stay.

\------------------------------

There wasn’t enough oxygen. She gasped and gasped but nothing was getting in to her lungs.

_Yaz, no, no, no, no. Yaz, stay with me. Don’t go._

The light began to fade as her body gave up on her. The world shifted and groaned. It spun violently, and flashes of orange broke through the white light of the hospital. She tried to stop it, tried to stay where she was loved.

This was unfair. She was too young. Her life was too good. She had everything: a woman she loved who loved her back and a career she could be proud of. She had so much to live for but _she_ was the one who was being violently ripped from her life.

She willed herself to stay and tried to force her lungs to accept the damn oxygen, but the orange flashes became more and more frequent. She tried to focus on Mae’s face, to use her as an anchor. She wouldn’t lose her. _Not again._ All she wanted to do was grow old with the woman she loved. She refused to let the universe rip her from her.

The orange overcame her.

It flooded her eyes and her senses until it encompassed her entire being. After what felt like an eternity, she began to hear a faint whirring.

The orange softened.

She felt a hand in her hand. Familiar. Soft. Comforting. A blonde woman came into focus, and Yaz realised she was ok. That she was allowed to stay after all.

“Mae.” she whispered.

The hand stiffened. “Yaz. I thought I lost you.”

“Same.” her brain was slow, but there was one thing she would always know. ”I love you.”

Mae stayed silent. When she finally spoke her voice was soft and straing. “Yaz, it’s the Doctor.”

“I know, you are a good doctor.”

Mae sighed. “No. _The_ Doctor. Yaz, you’re in the TARDIS. You were infected by a Phantasos bug. Fascinating little critter that feeds off of fantasies. Puts its host in a coma and gets it to imagine their perfect life and then consumes their life until the host dies of dehydration. Only way to get you out was to make you imagine your death. I’m really sorry. That can’t have been pleasant”

 _TARDIS. The Doctor._ Memories began to slowly flood back. _A hospital in South Africa. Lips locking with the best woman she had ever met. A pocket watch that stole all that away from her._

Mae wasn’t real. Not really. And not the version she had spent what felt like years with.

“Oh.”

For the first time in her life, Yaz wished the Doctor wasn't quite so clever.

\------------------

The Doctor visited her that night, after she requested to be left alone to mourn somebody who never even really existed.

“I never took you to be the domestic type.” The Doctor said.

Yaz shrugged.

“You know she's not lost, right? She's a part of me.”

Yaz shook her head. “It's not the same and you know it.”

Silence ticked on as the Doctor was uncharacteristically lost for words.

The Doctor sighed. “I'm never going to be enough for you, am I?”

Yaz looked at the Doctor. She looked so much like Mae that it hurt. And in rare moments like this, when she let herself be vulnerable and let Yaz see her for who she was, she could almost forget that they were different people.

But then, there were the dim hours when Yaz looked into the Doctor's eyes and saw a darkness that would terrify the strongest souls. And she couldn't be more different from Mae, who was the very definition of light and purity. Mae who would forever do no harm and take no shit.

Mae, who never scared her. Mae who always loved her. Completely and unequivocally.

She loved the Doctor. She truly did. But they could never be equals. There would always be a part of the Doctor that Yaz could never have. Quite a large part, at that.  She was but an insignificant blip in the Doctor's grand story. The whole thing one-sided to a point that would always doom their relationship to fail.

She didn't want a saviour or a teacher. She wanted an equal. And the Doctor could never be that.

The Doctor could never be what she needed.

Yaz shook her head. “I'm sorry.”  



End file.
